Fake Job Ideas

So I realize the readership that this blog used to enjoy (almost no one) has dropped off considerably (to no one), none the less, this serves as my first direct appeal to anyone actually reading this.  Perhaps you know me, perhaps you stumbled on this doing a search for the perfect pudding cup recipe (which would be odd, as I don't think I've used all those words in a post up to now, though I suppose you stumbled directly onto this post which has them not only all in one paragraph, but neatly lined up next to each other).  However you got here, you're here now and I want your help!

I need a long series of amusing, fake jobs to pretend to have.  The key is that for a split second before they're processed they sound real, then the element of absurdity in them appears.  Not too long (they shouldn't need an explanation to get the joke, just a job title) and based on some real life job but with a twist.  I don't have many so far, but here's what I got:

Caddy for the local putt-putt golf course
Pork wholesaler to the Jewish district
Labor Leader trying to unionize CEOs
Professional Larry Bird impersonator (this could probably be funnier if I was clever enough to think of a funnier personality, I'm not sure if picking a black celebrity is going too far)
Training to become the first non-Catholic, male nun

I think this thing should be set-up so you can leave a response without having an account: feel free!